An Adventure in Writing Through Crippling Perfectionism (Part 4)
The Report
Wow, this week did not go the way I expected.
After having a super great week, I was super excited to keep going on Monday. But, as I mentioned last week, I had hit a point where I felt I needed to stop and figure out the general direction I was going, which I did (on a broad scale at least). On Monday I tried to narrow things down a bit so that I’d have some scene ideas to work on.
That didn’t turn out so well.
Instead of gaining more clarity on the story, I got more overwhelmed as I realized that I really didn’t have much in Act 2a pushing the plot forward. Or to put it differently, I really didn’t have anything to build off of for Act 2b.
This launched me down the slopes of frustration and anxiety as I also realized that, between work and the new semester just starting, I was going to be pretty busy the next few days, and therefore would most likely end up being half a week behind. However, I didn’t feel ready to get going on the new section, and in fact felt that I needed to spend at least another day on Act 2a, meaning I was bound to get even further behind. This, combined with the fact that I had shorted myself of sleep several days in a row, ultimately resulted in a little bit of a breakdown Tuesday night.
I needed to vent my feelings, but I forgot to clarify that before telling my dad how I felt, so he tried to help by giving me advice that I was already trying to apply, and I got more frustrated by feeling stuck, even though I wasn’t actually stuck. I already knew what I needed to do:
- Just suck up the fact that I would need to spend another day on Act 2a
- Do my best to stay on track and keep up
- Greatly appreciate the fact that I gave myself almost a week and a half of buffer before my deadline
I was basically just frustrated because I was excited to stay on track with my goals and be able to maximize the last week, rather than having to rely on it to make goal.
But ah well.
The wonderfully ironic thing is as I was sitting there in tears, the situation gave me some inspiration for part of the story! So everything happens for a reason, right?
Anyway, yeah I got nuttin done on Tuesday.
Wednesday was slammed, but I managed to eek out a few words in some spare moments! Super pleased with myself for that! I usually feel the need to have a decent chunk of time to sit down and write, but I’m trying to change that cause it’s restricting (and I’m too busy).
As for Thursday, I don’t remember what day I realized this (Saturday or sometime earlier this week), but I realized that part of my problem with this story is the fact that I have so many ideas for it that it actually really needs to be a series. There are just too many arcs. So on Thursday I brain dumped the different ideas and put them in groups so that I can focus on the arc I’ve been working on and save the others for later.
Then on Friday I had arranged to try contact lenses, which started out well, but turned into a nightmare. I spent a couple hours at the eye doctor learning how to put them in, and they made sure I could get at least one out before I left. As I left, I felt really pleased with myself because I was nervous about it and handled it like a champ!
They were a little weird, but I was told it would take a few days to get used to them. However, after a few hours, one eye started getting really red and then hurting (I think it was dry). So I decided that was enough for the day and went to take them out.
It took a full two hours. And would’ve taken longer if I hadn’t finally asked my sister to pull out the second one (which wasn’t easy either). It didn’t help that the more time passed, the harder I had to try not to freak out.
On the bright side, poking at my eye with saline solution on my fingers made it feel better and less red looking. On the bummer side, everyone I encountered for the rest of the day asked me if I was okay and said it looked like I’d been crying.
I mean, I did cry, but only for a couple minutes, long after they’d gotten to that point!
They were pretty sore and watery for the rest of the day and are still pink today. So uh, we’ll see if I actually end up sticking with them. I want to overcome the challenge of learning to take them out quickly, but yesterday was almost traumatic.
I had a feeling I should practice it more before leaving the eye doctor, but I’d already been there a while and was itching to get going. However, both times I managed to get one out felt like a surprise stroke of luck. Not entirely sure what made the difference between getting it out and just moving it. Note to self: that means you should practice more!
Anyway, that’s my long-winded excuse for why I didn’t write anything yesterday, when in reality I had the day off and a decent chunk of time.
I haven’t worked on it yet today either, though there’s still time in the day and I’m planning on it. So we’ll see what I can get done. Planning on taking care of some of those plot-building scenes in 2b.
The Reflection
Even though this week was rough, it wasn’t all bad. It’s cool because actually, I realized something last night. Over the past several weeks, I’ve been following Blake Snyder’s Beat Sheet in my writing, which of course I already knew. But it turns out that I’ve ALSO been experiencing it in my life! Woah!
Check this out:
Act 1: I had a problem, which was the need to stop going in circles, never finishing anything.
Act 2a: I set out to just write and finish a terrible version of the story so that I could move forward in growing it. Things were very uncomfortable and difficult at first, but over time I started improving and reached a super happy midpoint!
Act 2b: Then things started going downhill big time, I had a moment of crisis, and wanted to just start over again (or in other words, quit and go back to my old ways). Then I got inspiration from the situation, found some helpful resources, and realized that maybe I’m not failing at this after all. I remembered that low points are not only part of the process, but also part of interesting stories and life.
So while the overwhelm has never at any point in this project gone away, knowing that this is in a way, supposed to happen, helps me feel a lot more optimistic.
And with that, I’m diving into Act 3 of this adventure!
The Plan
Prep Week: Brainstorm
Week One: Draft Act 1
Week Two: Catch up
Week Three: Draft Act 2a
Week Four: Suffer — er — Get my bearings & Pull myself together :)
Week Five: TACKLE this Beast!
- Monday: Write a few more Act 2a scenes, if needed
- Tues-Fri: Work through Act 2b, perhaps keeping it a little shorter
- Saturday: Start Act 3, if possible
- Write 6 scenes per weekday
Week Six: Wrap it up
- Write the rest of Act 3
- Go back and beef up whatever sections need it
The challenge now is going to be making sure I don’t get caught up in any of my many favorite procrastination techniques.
Wish me luck! Please. I could use all the help I can get.
